.... Reborn...

Hoho.. its been a while since i update.. i haf no tyme even to on ma comp.. i miss msn and kepo-ing thru ppl blog.. HEH..

life been preeti much the same.. except that im a yr older now.. so yeah hapi BELATED berfdae to me :) the celebration was nice... 3 daes in a row with ppl that means alot to me.. thanks to the kids who willing to take tyme oof and haf a gathering after so long.. ohh how i miss slacking with them everidae... :( thanks to the obriens crew fopr the DELICIOUS ice cream cake.. that was the nicest cake i ever receive sia..

and of course thanks to ma beloved bf for taking his tyme to please me.. oh well he does that every time not onli on ma berfdae.. heart him so much..

fir and khus will be serving the nation soon.. gosh.. life gona be quiet without them for awhile.. im gona miss ma darling fir as he's ma onli shopping,werking,gossiping and everything buddy i can ever find.. he's the onli guy i can relate gerls stuff with cause maybe he do act like a gerl.. HAHAHA.. no.. he's not soft or gay but the way he is.. so gerl gerl.. so quite.. take a fucking hell long tyme just to change clothes and iron his clothes very neatly... i wish im like him.. :)

had a tough week but managed to overcome it.. :)

last nite was a blast... wat more can i ask for with four guys whom i loved so much keeping me company... im so happy to see ma dearest bf having fun as well with ma dearest buds...

it make me smile just to see them having fun... these guys are the onli things that matter to me...

therefore i loved them more than any thing in the world..

thanks to dearest tweet,fir and faliq for always pampering me and always company me whenever i need them.. :)

having dearest bf away for so long.. i do feel lonely and sad sometyimes but this guys will always be there to cheer me up..

oh yeah.. fasting mth sucks big tyme...

i tell you.. the smell of pretzzel infrotn of our shop alwaya wana make me munch into their ever so sweet soft PRETZIES..

haizzz...

the little boy will be turning 19 soon.. the youngest kid of all will be celebrating his befdae soon.. wow.. cannot kol him baby carrot animore.. HEH..

fuck.. im feeling so fucking hungry rite now.. damn hungry.. ok need to go off.. so longggggggg..

......All tears.....

Some ppl hate me for the life im living.. sm adore ma style of life.. sum even resort to make others hate me just to be close with me..

seriously i dun hate or loved ma life.. ppl tend to blame fate for the life given.. but once again i truly belief we can make our fate much better if we reali want it..

frankly speaking i haf a fucking good life if i want it.. let see...

i haf a nice bunch of gd frens who willing to do anything for me and even hear ma shitty side of life.. but i choose to ignored them and their feelings...

i haf a nice family whom i loved so much.. they always wants ma tyme.. but again i ignored them and thgt can buy their love with gifts whhich is fucking wrongs..

i haf a nice boyfriend whom love me and always there for me.. but i push away everything for him and wanted more of his tyme.. again i guess im in the wrong.. im pushing him too hard..

which many parents wld buy a new fon straight away after the fucking daughter lose her fucking expensive fon??

which many bestfren wld forgive their bestfren for hurting them and neglecting them but they always there to help us?

which many boyfriend wld loved u so much and nvr ever once raise his voice or show his anger towards you even thoough u in the wrong and always give in to u?

yeah i haf all that but i ignored the facts..

i begining to hate myself for real...

why cant i show them the loved that i wanted to show but always ended up in the wrong way?

i dun need this fucking high paying job..

i dun need all the newest or latest gadget or handfons ard...

i dun need all the unwanted attention frm guys and gerls who dun even noe me..

i dun need to cry everynite wen i sleep till ma eyes swollen... *can i?*

am i reali such a burden to them?

to my mum. to my dearest bestie and ma beloved bf?

is it reali hard to understand me?

im just a simple gerl who need loved frm ma loved ones..

i didnt whine wen mum leave me all alone after she gave birth to me..

i didnt whine wen ma bestie cant spend tyme with me wen i can...

i didnt whine wen YOU leave for ns and dun let me go out with other guys.. i didnt even whine wen YOU priortised ur stupid job rather than the special dae i plan even u promised me 1st?

*the pain is still there*

im sick of this life im living rite now

everything seem so wrong

sumtimes or

maybe everytime

i always think

maybe or

rather will it be good for me to leave in ma own world without any of these ppl ard me>

sumtimes i wish

i wld just vanish into thin air and perish away...

im tired of all the tears that flow unwanted everynite..

im tired of trying to get things rite for me and others..

im tired of being ME...

im tired of being cloese with ppl but i cant let them bear the pain i haf...

maybe leaving this world wld make me a happy gerl...

cause im sick and tired of ma LIFE.....

...Recovery...

8 more daes before i see him again... well didnt haf ani problems while he away though.. maybe im too tired entertaining ma own world that i barely haf time to whine about how much i miss him.. :)

Werk... as tiring as ever but it kinda of fun and cool as i get to werk with ma own frens for the past few weeks.. no stress, slack all the tyme and pocket full.. HEH..

i kinda of regret for not following the guys to china black yesterdae...

hope u guys haf fun.. alif and me was too tired to even walk home.. in the end.. onli khus,faliq,fir and tweet went.. gosh.. i becoming insane soon if i dun quit ma fucking job.. :(

i miss hanging ard and slacking.. fuck this job..

i dun even haf tyme to spend ma money away... all i do is wake up go werk come back go sleep and it goes on and on everidae...

i miss ma little bro.. didnt get to see him for the past week.. :(

bought this book called samir&samira.. the book is so fucking nice.. it's about a gerl who was brought up as a boy due to her fucking dad who was ashamed of having a daughter instead of a son..

she cant deny her true identity animore wen she finally fall in love...

haizzzz.. love.. ppl can just changed in matters of tymes...

ma head feel so heavy since last nite.. maybe i slept too much or maybe not.. fuck this job.. making me ill over and over again..

i miss ma bestie.. lets hang out dear.. :)

...*Falling away*...

Finally he gone.. for 3 wks the most i guess... but i get by these few weeks occupying myself with the ever non stop stupid job and ma frens ard me.. :)

it's been a while i update and so much stuff happening lately..

went to wild2 wet with him and ma small brow as a blast as we haf tons of great fun.. i missed those daes wen im still a kid and get excited over mere stuff... haizzz..

yesterdae hangout with ma bros was the ebst.. it's been a long while we hang out till late nite.. decided tow atch movie but end up eating maggi goreng instead.. i miss them.. ma bros and ma bestie.. tweet dearest... thanks so much for the still believing in me... i hope our friendship wld change for the better and u wld always be ma bestie no matter what.. i heart u so much...

the feeling is so diff wen im hanging out with ma frens without ma bf.. it's not that im not enjoying myself wen ma bf is ard.. it just the feeling of excitement u share all alone with ur good frens.. every person in ur life haf diff feelings if u get wat i mean.. :)

hope these few weeks i get to bond closer with frens that i didnt get to see much...

the o briens chalet was funcore on the 2st nite.. abit dead during the 2nd nite.. too everione surprised i won 26 bux playin blackjack wen i nvr play cards or gamble in ma whole 20 yrs of life before.. im sucha a gd gambler i can forsee.. HAHAH..

i miss him so much and there still 2 wks to go... 4 sumone to accept that his gf dosent hang ard with gerls .. it must be hard..

cant blame me that im surrounded by guys all the tyme... they still rocks ma world... dosent mean i dun haf ani gerlfriends i cant bitch ard.. prepared to get shocked wen guys start to bitch.. HAHAHAH.. ohh i love ma frens...

i hope me and fir plans to go bangkok goes well.. i realiw ana fly with ma dearest frens and just haf fun.. I MISS HAVING FUN.. im all dead tired and serious at werk.. it's such a pain in the ass to be like that all the tyme wen im born playful and cheerful.. fuck seriousness.. it's a fucking deadly disease.. HAH..

and im shocked to hear wat ppl say about him...

why do ppl always make the rite move at the wrong tyme...

i dun regret of being with ma bf now even though u show interest in me now...

i just regret of u being wat u are now.. if onli u did that tons of mths ago.. i wld be delighted or moved.. but now i just freak out.. :(

all i hope now is that i cld wait patiently for him to be back....

ppl are scared that i might just vanish away but HEY... let see..

....It ends tonite....

I guess i finally knew wats up with me nowdaes.. finally get the ans on why im so moody and tired and restless lately... not because of pms.. nah.. far frm it.. not becasue of ma fucking ugly werk schd.... but.... soon... im gona miss that sumone greatly..

i noe that dae will come but i try to push that ugly thgts away.. but time seem so short now..

daes pass by so quickly...

its bad enuff im far away frm ma lovable frens nowdaes.. and HE haf to go away as well.. oh wat a luck..

listening to tiger lily by matchbook dosent help now....

no one will accompany me on the fon till i fall asleep.. no one to bitch ard at nite after werk.. no one to call at any time of the dae even at 3 am...

no one to chat with at any of the time of the day.... and no one to cry to wen im being bully at werk:(

ma life gona be quiet soon wen the other half went away...

to YOU.. im sorie if i been in the most sucky behaviour ever..

i jus wana let u noe how much u mean to me and im sorie for all the asshole stuff that i did to you..

i guess.. thru this mths i knew him.. he the one who always give in and do what i want.. i feel so bad at times but i love him the way he are.. :)

ppl know how stubborn,ill brat and fucking pampered i am.. but still he love me the way i am..

i shall wait for ur return no matter how ugly or dark u look.. HAHAHAHAHAH..

i shall treat this 3-4 weeks as a holidae.. heh.. but no worries.. i wont go ard dating ppl...maybe just drooling can? luv u sweetheart...

... Feelings...

So many kinda of feelings surround me lately.. sum are silly,sum are serious and sum are so fairytale..

the trip with dearest was all gd... gona miss his nite hugs :)

but i made ppl that matter so worry... didnt mean too..

and pls stop saying im gona abandon u.. didnt even thgt of that..

i lost one and nvr will i take the chance to lose u... i always keep u close to ma heart no matter wat i do.. u the onli one understand me.. im so sorie.. i hurt u again and again...

u will always be ma dearest fren i ever haf.. thats you.. muhammad rizal aka TWEET.. ma dearest BESTIE.. :)

sumtimes i dun feel you.. sumtimes i dun even understand you.. but i haf always love u all this while.. im such a bad gf if u wana agree ..

but i guess im dead inside..

maybe one dae i will live again to witness ur love.. but till than.. i wld always try me best to keep myself occupied with you on ma mind.................

... The wedding CRASHEr...

my cute chubby cuzzie haf finally been safely married to her cute and freaking thin hubby.. HAH.. everything went well that dae and im proud to be there even though all i did was eating and shiting all dae long.. bought a cake for ma deary monster bro who turn just turn 8.. i love him so much.. muacks..

thanks dear for being there.. it means alot and i love u too..

the gig on sat was a rad.. well it was managed by a fren so u can guess how much fun we had....

it was funcore as most of the bands are frens band or good bands so u can guess how freaking tired we are all.. been standing frm one band to another but wowness arh..

im tired of ma werking place but shall not fucking discuss about that so as not to ruin ma hoilday mood... :)

i think myspace is the coolest thing

i can hear local bands stuff

and i just knew it and i just had an account.. i am so RETARDED.....

but still... im cool...

the grown up clans gona unite again soon as we are planning for a chalet this early sep.. gosh.. i miss them.. so much.. and him too.. 2 bad he dosent know im still terribly sorie about watever shite.. i still adore him.. maybe.. he isnt the bestfriend which i knew.. maybe i just lost ma bestfreind without realising it.. arh arh... fuck it...

i miss dear tweet... no more frequent foncalls like last time.... haizz..

but hey.. i got a new bestfren,enemy,bf in one guy...

he none other than my sick assy BF... he will always be there...

he such a great companion.. glad i found him..

but he can be such an assholes.. ermm... nvm.. u guys mite noe wat im saying if u noe him well. HEH..

but i adore him so much.. wonder wat it's gona feel like wen he gone for ns.. like i say ns is such a fucking bitch.. hahaha..

but i will wait for him though.. but u cute preeti boys out there can date me.. but no kissing or holding hands.. HAHAHAHAH.. thats wat's ma bf told me.. .. :)

......* EDITED*....

MA BOYFRIEND WAN ME TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD he the one who open an account for me on MYSPACE.. he wan me to thank him in public.. THANK U ASSY.. there u go dear... ur thak you speech.. :)